VampireKayla101

[November 19, 2011 11:36PM]

The night is clear with stars in the sky above. The air is cold against my skin. People are passing with children and smiles. I'm in my elf costume dressed warm for the night with my partner attracting people's gazes by hugging and singing Christmas carols. In my hands is a bear to make the illusion more believable. But someone breaks through the crowd. And to my surprise it is her, the girl who I have been dreaming of for about a month now. Her brown eyes glisten from the Christmas lights around the park and her smile makes my heart grow butterflies as a warm feeling takes me over. As she speaks her voice makes me melt. "You look so cute in your little elf costume! Can I get a picture with you?" Unable to speak I nod shaking when she moves close and throws an arm around my shoulder and my arm wraps around her waist and it's like we were meant to be together and we just fit. The flash blinds me but I still am frozen from how close we are. But when I look down at the shadow cast upon us, I see my partner holding mistletoe over our heads. My cheeks grew pink and I glared at them mumbling trying not to be heard.  "Dude she doesn't like me like that! Plus she'd never kiss me!" but to my surprise her lips touch mine and I feel like no one is watching and we are the only two people for miles. It's all so beautiful, so perfect. But it all ended when she pulled away and I snapped back into reality noticing she was giggling at the astonished look upon my face. My first kiss under mistletoe was with a beautiful girl who had proved me wrong. Shaking my head to gain control of what was going on I noticed she had started walking away with her friends. "Oh no…" I whispered & ran after her grabbing her hand. "Wait!" She slowly turned around a little confused. I handed her the bear in my hand and told her thanks. Her friends looked at us completely lost. But she smiled & hugged me & told me to call her later. Slowly letting her hand slip from mine as she walked away I felt like the happiest person alive. I felt the urge to attempt back flips but knew I'd fail. So to satisfy my happiness I held in I skipped to my friends and partner with the news. We all celebrated with sweets and music. But when I got a text from her and flipped open my phone, my eyes shot open and I was in my bed about a week and a half from the event…

Okay so I woke up at 3am from my nightmares and thought a little tumblr & music could make things feel better but when I opened my laptop I got a message from my "Superman" pretty much saying she regretted saying she loved me. So I sent her this long message telling her exactly how i feel about her and she has yet to respond. It's 4:30 am or so and I'm terrified to see her response. I just hate how when I find someone I care enough to say "I love you" to they blame sh!t on me and they slam the door in my face. And other people wonder why I don't let people get close to me or tell people anything. I'm tired of this always happening. I can't keep everything hidden away much longer. I'm so close to a break down it isn't even funny or worth fighting it.

I've also been thinking about suicide lately as i see more of my illusions follow me everywhere I go. Sometimes he's at a distance other times her got his hands around my neck and I can't or don't stop him because I want what he tries to do. But when I close my eyes and open them to where he once was he vanishes.

Haha Look at me losing my mind.